Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
