i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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