You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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