She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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