I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
