oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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