I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
