I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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