If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
