by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
