i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
