I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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