I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
