Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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