you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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