I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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