Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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