your room smells of hookers.
And success
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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