Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
