wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
