I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
