Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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