john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize