She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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