And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
