Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
