Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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