the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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