I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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