my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
