I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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