I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
