Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
