Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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