You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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