LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
