grandma shit on top of the toilet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize