Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
