it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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