I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
