Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
