he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
