Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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