based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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