i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
