His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
