forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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