Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
