Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
