so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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