he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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