The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
