We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
