She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
