I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
