You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
