We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
