yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
