So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
