Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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