Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
