I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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